It’s not easy…

August 2, 2011 · Filed under Deep inside

…It’s not easy to be me…

It’s just like this lyric..for the past few months..feel blessed till today and hope everything will be better tomorrow..I am trying to be grateful every single day but sometimes I find out that it’s not easy to deal with everything especially with my own heart..but I have to..don’t I ? some people will say..”that’s life..” nothing is easy but we can deal or at least try to compromise with it..looking for the best in everything..

I can say that this “thing” is a bitter-sweet one and for some reasons..I have to deal with it without any “doors” that I can use to escape from it..I am trying to get used to or accept the way it is..at least it’s the only thing that I can do right now..sometimes I feel that it’s soooo hard to keep it by myself..to keep it in my heart is more difficult than I thought..I feel that I am losing my energy to fight..
This afternoon was the edge of it..I tried very hard to spell them out and ended with silent words came out..but finally I could say what I wanted to say..all of them..I can say that I was angry..spell them out gives me the chance of self-healing time and realize that I do face the wall but I think it’s better to lean on it rather than punch it with all my energy..am I trying to be a wise person or trying to make myself “okay”? I choose the second one..I know me very well so that sometimes I am too exaggerated of everything..

So..here I am ..drawn in this complicated but heart-melting thing..try to reach “the one” across the sea but I have to prepare myself…being alone in an empty shore..

YOU : do you know that it’s so hard to love you?